I Regret It All
by eBayaNgel2000
Summary: Kyle wishes for Cartman to die and Cartman kills himself. Everyone grieves except Kyle. Will he have a change of heart? Will Cartman haunt Kyle for the rest of his life and make him pay? Rated T for a suicide scene, thematic elements and coarse language.
1. Cartman's Death

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the South Park characters

Chapter One: Kyle's Wish

Another long afternoon in South Park Elementary, sucks for everyone. Having to deal with the weird Mr. Garrison, Mr. Mackey's long lectures about you shouldn't do drugs and other stuff, much to Cartman's chagrin.

"OK, class," said Mr. Garrison. "Let's do some math... let's ask Mr. Hat what we should do... Mr. Hat, what problem shall we do?"

"2x27," replied Mr. Hat.

"4?" said Clyde.

"I know the answer Mr. Garrison," said Kyle.

"No he doesn't," said Cartman.

"Shut up you fucking fat ass," said Kyle.

"Don't call me fat you stupid Jew!"

"Not again!" said Stan, hiding his face in shame.

"Goddammit, Cartman, stop calling me a stupid Jew!" screamed Kyle.

"STOP IT YOU GUYS!!!" said Kenny. He was just as tired as Stan with having to put up with Cartman and Kyle arguing all the time.

"Screw you Kenny," said Kyle.

Then the bell rung and Kyle ran to Stark's Pond.

"Stupid fat ass," said Kyle. "He may consider me a friend, but he's my worst enemy since he stole Wendy away from me...I wish he'd die! I wish he'd commit suicide I don't care!!"

Kyle was tired of having to put up with Cartman teasing him and calling him names that referred to his religion. He only put up with it because he had to...

The next day was very happy and normal, until the announcement Mr. Mackey made over the loudspeaker.

"Mr. Garrison, one of your students is near the Stark's Pond bridge, mm'kay?"

Then everyone ran to the bridge only to find Cartman there, probably about to jump off.

"Eric! Don't do it!" screamed Mr. Garrison. "I don't really like you that much but please don't do it!"

"I can't take it anymore," sobbed Cartman. "I just wanna die!"

"Don't, Eric!" said Liane Cartman.

"Nobody likes me!!!" sobbed Cartman.

"Don't do it Cartman!" screamed Stan.

"Forget you! Kyle hates me and everyone knows it! You all hate me! I never had a father or any real friends!  
My girlfriends always dump me because I'm so cold!"

Then Cartman took a step forward and sighed.

"DON'T DO IT ERIC!!!" screamed Butters.

Then Cartman jumped off and fell in the river.

"Oh my God!!!" screamed Liane. She sobbed in the Scotches' arms.

"Cartman, killed himself," said Stan. He's never been shocked like this before.

"For a mean-spirited boy, he sure did have an impact on us and he was an OK friend I guess," said Kenny.

Then Stan, Butters and Kenny went over to Kyle's to tell him what Cartman did.

"Hey, is Kyle in?" said Stan.

"Yes, come in," said Sheila Broflovski.

"Kyle," began Butters.

"What's wrong?"

"Cartman killed himself!!!" sobbed Butters.

"I knew he was gonna do something like this!"

"You don't feel sorry for him at all?!?!?" said Stan. "You bastard! He killed himself because he cared about you!"

"He couldn't give a crap about any of us," said Kyle.

"You know what? He may have been a little mean, but I liked it!"

"Me too!" said Butters.

We just heard Kyle's feelings towards Cartman's suicide. 


	2. A Big Disgrace

Chapter Two: 

Liane Cartman arranged the funeral to be the next day.  
She was so sad, she had to literally call someone to force her out of bed or she'd say curled up in bed, crying her eyeballs out for days and not even eat, that's how sad she was over Cartman's suicide.

Everyone in South Park attended Cartman's funeral. No one knew the real reason why he jumped off the bridge. Except Butters. There were quite a few reasons:

1. He knew no one really cared about him or liked him  
2. He thought he'll never live in this world 3. All of his friends hated him

Those are the main reasons why he killed himself. The other reasons, well he never told Butters or anyone else. No one knows the other reasons, not even his mom.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here for the funeral of Eric Theodore Cartman," said the Reverend. "Who died yesterday, he was 9 years old and better known as Cartman..."

"Do we have to be here?" whispered Kyle, to his parents.

"Yes, Kyle, this is the death of your friend for God's sake!" screamed Sheila Broflovski.

Everyone looked back to Sheila and her family. They looked shocked, no one ever used the Lord's name in vain in church. Then the reverend continued.

"Although he was a little cold-hearted, he never intended to be that way, but he is in God's arms now and he's forevermore in a better place," continued the reverend.  
"If there is anyone, who wants to step up to say a few words, please do so."

Stan stood up and walked over to the pedestal.

"My name is Stan Marsh and I am a good friend of Eric Cartman," began Stan.

"Bullcrap!" shouted Kyle.

"Shh!" said Sheila.

"Although Cartman was kind of cruel in his lifetime, I still think of him as a good friend and he was a good influence on me and my sister," continued Stan. "He brought up my self-esteem as well as my sister's and helped me get over my break-ups and cheered up my sister and even went out with her despite her short-tempered personality. Thank you and I wish Cartman the best, even if he's dead."

Everyone clapped at the speech Stan powerful speech, except Kyle, still glaring at his best friend. Butters was making a speech next.

"My name is Butters Scotch and I am another friend of Eric's and I..." Butters started sobbing and his mom had to take him out of the church. He really did care about Cartman.

Kyle decided to make a speech, probably a hate speech pointed at Cartman.

"Name's Kyle and I hate Cartman," said Kyle. "He's not my friend, he's just a goddamn self-centered bastard who is hateful to all..."

"How could he be so obscene for a funeral?" whispered Bebe to Heidi.

"So uncool," said one of the Goth kids. "A big disgrace."

Then Kyle went to the casket and spit on Cartman.

"Burn in Hell, Cartman," he said to his corpse.

Everyone looked shocked at Kyle, then they turned to his family and glared.

Then his speech was showed on the news. It was credited as "A Big Disgrace" and it was even featured on YouTube. Kyle was hated on, spit on and even suspended from school

Kyle didn't regret what he said, in fact he was proud of his hate speech, despite his friends opinions and he didn't care if he got hated on.


End file.
